I see a lot of people posting these positive, happy quotes about feeling blessed and not letting negative thoughts get to you. We've all seen the pins, the tumblr posts. They look something like this:
And you know, I tried. I pinned the posts, I followed the motivational Instagram pages. I believed (and desperately pursued) the idea that you could fake it 'til you make it. Happiness is just a state of mind that can be achieved once you block out all of the negative thoughts and feelings. Like a switch.
Well, why don't you just try harder not to focus on bad thoughts?
You shouldn't be unhappy, you have so many good things in your life.
It's selfish to be unhappy when you have so many things to be grateful for.
Just do yoga!
This is what I have told myself. Whenever I felt down or empty I would beat myself immensely. I started feeling guilty for when I was inexplicably sad. Because, these beautiful people on the internet are all so happy with their lives! I should be too!
Fake it 'til you make it is the biggest lie regarding happiness that has ever been conceived. Of course people should strive to find the positives in life and work towards a better life; but honestly, I'm sick of plastered smiles when I don't feel like it. I'm happy when I'm happy, and I will no longer pretend to be when I'm not. It's a cyclical act that can't cure what's really going on in my brain.
I don't need to pretend to be happy. I don't need to feel guilty when I'm suddenly empty. I can just be me, even the parts that are sad or hurt or lonely. I don't need to be another mindless pin on Pinterest.
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